WHERE IS YOUR 'YES'?

New Year's Eve. We finally made it. What a long and exhausting 2020 it has been. If you're like me, you're probably crawling to the finish line, with barely enough energy to get to midnight to watch the ball drop. I'm sure most if not all of us are over 2020 and ready to enter 2021 with a fresh start. And of course, as we begin to look at the start of a New Year, those pesky "New Year's Resolutions" begin to creep into conversation. It's with that in mind, that I felt the Lord impress something about me this week.

As I began to think about the challenges of 2020, I wondered if there were any positives in 2020. Or, was the year a total loss. One that was in need of hitting the delete button altogether. As I contemplated this for the past week, I realized that 2020 had actually been a very productive year for me personally. I self-published my first book and I began writing a Blog. And with Covid-19 and social distancing, I found myself in isolation a lot more this year and the increased alone time allowed me to be in God’s word more than in years past. I definitely noticed the growth in my faith as my walk with Jesus grew stronger. But for all the positives that were experienced in 2020, there was still a lingering foe of mine that continued to rear its head from time to time. And that foe is fear. For as far as the Lord has taken me in my faith journey over the years and for all the amazing and speechless moments when the Lord has shown up in big ways in my life, I still find myself prone to being fearful. Mainly in the areas of the unknown and the "what if" scenarios that I play out in my head – with my job, my health, my family, the Covid-19 pandemic, and even the confusion on why it's been so hard to find a Godly woman to have a relationship with. I'm often questioning His path for my life and I find that I regularly provide God with suggestions on how to make my life better. As if to say to God, I think I can do a better job than you. It’s as if I still haven’t come to a place in my life where I completely trust that my Heavenly Father knows what’s best for me and that He has a good plan for my life.

As I allowed all these thoughts to pile up in my head, I realized I was literally causing myself to be anxious and thus, unnecessarily causing myself additionally fear. I had to get out of my head and so I began to fix my eyes on God. I asked, "God, why am I still shackled in the chains of fear after all these years of being a Christian? What do I need to do in 2021 to get to the next level of my faith?” I felt my question was honest and heartfelt, and one that was certain to get a response from God. But I got nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not even one word. So I waited, quietly, patiently, in silence. And still nothing. And I waited some more. And with each minute, my impatience grew and after a few more minutes, I abandoned hopes for an answer and carried on with my day. And to be honest, I completely forget about the question I had put before the Lord.

A few days later, I was lying in bed. Reluctant to get up, I instead decided to waste time searching the internet on my phone. I began with checking out the news on Yahoo. Then I wasted some time checking Facebook. Then I watched some videos on YouTube. And then, almost an hour into my cell phone use, the following words popped up right in front of me.

"My yes is on the table!"

These words literally jumped off the screen. It was as if there were no other words to read and these words were in bold, highlighted and underlined. I kept re-reading this sentence. Over and over. And again. And the more I read it, the louder the voice inside my head resonated. It became clear that I hadn't just randomly come across this statement. There was purpose in me reading it. And that is when the Lord spoke,

"Where is your yes?"

I lifted my head up from the pillow and began to ponder the question. “Where is my yes?” Hmmmm…..I don't know. What did that even mean? I've said this before but it's worth repeating. Often, when God speaks to me, it's as if He downloads a whole sermon into my head in a matter of seconds and then sits back and allows me time to unpack what He just said. And this day was no different as God was asking me to take an honest inventory on my willingness to follow Him. As I dissected the question, it dawned on me that almost all of my “Yes” answers to God are quickly followed by a “But” or “Only if”. Yes, God, I will do XYZ…but only if… (Fill in the blank). And then all of a sudden, it was as if I was watching a game of poker being played in my mind. I don't even play poker, it’s just not my thing. But I've seen enough World Series of Poker on ESPN to somewhat understand the rules. And if you’re familiar with the game, you’ll recall those moments where a player will slide all of his or her chips into the middle of the table and declare, “I’m all in”. At that moment, the player is betting everything they have to prove they have the best hand. They are risking it all because if they don’t have the best hand, they lose all their money and they are out of the game. It was at that moment I knew what God was asking. He wanted to know if I was ready to push my "Yes" into the middle of the table and confidently declare, “I’m all in”.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that I needed to pause before I answered. Because to go all in meant that,

I must accept when God says No to something I want

I need to say Yes to where God leads me

I need to say Yes to God when I don't want to

I need to say Yes to God when He says to stay

I need to say Yes to God when it's uncomfortable

I need to say Yes to God when I'm scared

I need to say Yes to God when I don't understand

I need to say Yes to God when He says to give

I need to say Yes to God when He says forgive

I need to say Yes to God when He says to let it go

I need to say Yes to God...always. And without the "But" and "Only if".

I thought about that earlier question I presented to God, What do I need to do in 2021 to get to the next level of my faith? God answered me. He was simply letting me know that the next level in my faith is to stop being afraid of where He leads me and just trust Him, all the way. And I don't think it means that I won't be scared or that it might not be a challenge. But I do think God is trying to teach me that there is no safer place than when we follow the Lord. As we read in Deuteronomy 31:8,

"Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

As I enter 2021, I must decide once and for all, am I ready to go all in? Am I ready to put my “Yes” on the table with God? Because being stuck in fear is the worst place to be and I believe the time has come for me to make a decision once and for all. And I wonder what type of Blog article I will be writing a year from now. Will it be one of victory as I recap all the wonderful things the Lord has shown me in 2021, or will it be one of regret as I talk about how I'm still living in fear and how I was afraid to go all in with God?

So to those of you who are reading this, let me challenge you (and myself) to begin thinking about our walk with God and what type of 2021 we want to have. Do we want the same type of relationship with God that we've always had? One that is maybe dry and a little boring? One that is just close enough to God where we're saved but not close enough to see Him do the miraculous? One that feels hard because we don't know if we can trust God to take care of us or one where we're afraid He will let us down? Or are we willing to put our complete faith in God and watch as He takes us to places in our faith that we could never have imagined? Because you and I should remember what Romans 8:31 has to say: "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

If we are children of God, we have been redeemed by the precious blood of our Lord and Savior Jesus. And because of this, we have the winning hand. Are we ready to trust God with what His word says? Are we ready to believe we have victory over every fear, doubt, anxiety, depression, addiction, financial hardship, loss of a loved one, or any other struggle we are currently facing? Are we ready to take hold of the victory Jesus purchased for us on that cross? It's time to make a decision. We have the winning hand. The question is simply this...are we ready to push our yes to God into the middle of the table...or not.

Happy New Year everyone and always remember to....

† let the light in †