MERCY

It was early morning and I was sitting at my kitchen table eating breakfast when I received a text that read, "I need a favor, can you talk?" The text came from an acquaintance I'm not really close with and don't speak with often, but they were someone I've known for many years. I responded back that I had a couple of minutes to chat and a few seconds later my phone rang. After we passed through some casual chit-chat, I asked what the favor was. He paused, let out a deep breath and said, "I need to borrow $5,000". I hesitated to respond, unsure of what to say. As a Christian, I'm well versed with the ever popular Sermon on the Mount where Jesus tells his followers, "Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow" (Matthew 5:42). There are many scriptures that I find easier said than done and this particular one definitely fits into that category.

Without really taking time to pray, I rushed straight to a decision and I decided against lending the money. I told this person that I was not comfortable lending such a high dollar amount to anyone. He understood and after we hung up the call, I sat there replaying the conversation over and over in my head. I thought saying no was the right decision because too many things could go wrong and I didn't want there to be complications to our friendship. But later in the day, something felt wrong inside me and a nagging feeling about my decision lingered. I did my best to drown out the voice and over the next few days, the remnants of the conversation had mostly dissipated. That was until I received another phone call later that week. This time, the call came from a close friend. We chatted for a few minutes and then he calmly asked, "Can I ask you for a huge favor? Can I borrow $5,000?” There were a good five seconds of awkward silence (which felt more like five minutes) and then I heard, "Are you still there?" I replied yes and then continued to be silent. I couldn't believe that for the second time in less than a week I was being asked to lend someone $5,000. As I struggled to even comprehend how this was even possible, my friend spoke again, "Well, do you think you can help me?"

This person is someone I care very much for but they are also someone who I know well enough to know that I should not lend money too. I have enough history with them and their inability to manage their finances to know that any money borrowed was more than likely not going to be repaid. I was also quite frustrated with him because he is someone I've lent money to many times over the years and each time, I've asked him to stop asking me for money. So instead of saying no, which was my initial reaction, I felt the need to remind him that the last time I lent him money was supposed to be the "last time.” I also reminded him that he had promised to never ask me for money again. I went on to badger him for a few minutes asking why he needed money and why he’s always having money problems. I was anything but Christ-like and had completely lost my composure during the call. My friend became emotional and stated that he was in a bad situation and really needed help to get out of it. I literally had no mercy and ended the conversation abruptly by saying too bad and that I was sick of him calling me for money and to leave me alone.

After the call, I sat there on my bedroom floor feeling extremely tense. It wasn't my fault my friend couldn't manage his finances and it also wasn't my problem to fix. In addition, my friend had made the same mistakes over and over again which is why he needed money in the first place. If I’m being honest, I didn’t feel that my friend deserved my help again and my frustration had boiled to a point that I could not calm down. So I did what I should have from the onset, I decided to talk to God. I basically complained about the history with my friend as if God wasn't already aware. After I let it all out, I sat there in silence on the floor, looking up at the cross on my wall. Just as I began to calm down, God spoke to me.

”Lend the money.”

I nearly exploded. "What? Are you kidding me God? You want me to give him $5,000???”

“Yes.”

“That’s not fair! Why should I have to give away my hard earned money? Why should I have to help this person all the time? They don’t deserve my help!” And then God spoke again.

“Neither do you.”

I paused for a moment. Why was God saying this to me? This problem had nothing to do with me so why was his comment directed toward me? And then God began to reveal some tough truths to me. He reminded me how I often come to him for help after promising not to do the very thing I'm needing help for. He gently reminded me that based on how I define the word "deserve", I don't deserve His help anymore. And then God spoke again.

“You are more concerned about determining what is fair and not fair and less concerned about doing what I am asking you to do.”

Then there was silence as I continued to sit on the floor, looking up at the cross on the wall. And then it hit me – I was staring at the cross while trying to debate with God about what is and isn’t fair. I started to get emotional as I sat humbled before the cross. Jesus going to the cross for my sins wasn’t fair and I didn't deserve his mercy. I picked up my phone and called my friend back. I apologize for my behavior and informed him that I would lend him the money. He was appreciative and then he stated he would need six months to be able to pay it back. I told him I didn’t care and that whatever he wanted to do was fine. My friend took less than half that time to repay the money but that’s obviously not the point of the story.

God's mercy knows no limits. He doesn't say, "No, I already helped you before so I'm not going to help you again". And He certainly doesn't say, "No, you don't deserve my help" or "You promised you wouldn't make that mistake again." God taught me a valuable lesson about mercy that day. His mercy is not fair and we certainly don't deserve it. We should all remember that the next time we are in a position to extend mercy to another person...especially when they don't deserve it.

† let the light in †