COME BACK

I live alone in a small two bedroom, two bathroom condo. It's the perfect size for me and all my needs. And near the balcony door is a little nook. It's my favorite place in the home. Here you'll find a comfy cream colored chair along with an espresso chocolate colored bookshelf and end table with a rustic lamp sitting on top. On any given day, you'll find three items on that end table: My Bible, a journal and a pen. It's where I try to begin and end each day. Try being the operative word.

It was late one night and I was sitting in my nook reading the Bible. After I finished reading a few chapters, I closed the Bible and my eyes then began talking to God. I said all the things I typically say before I go to bed: Thank you for salvation, thank you for friends and family, my health, etc. Then I moved into praying for the needs of those around me, praying for the lost, etc. And then I ended the way I usually do, talking about my personal needs. God can you do this for me, God can you help me out with that. After I finished rattling off a list of problems that were heavy on my heart, I threw off the fleece blanket that had been keeping me warm and got up. I turned off the lamp and began walking toward my bedroom. I hadn't taken but a few steps when suddenly, the Holy Spirit spoke.

"Come back".

I stopped in my tracks and walked backwards toward the chair. Then I sat back down, turned the lamp back on and proceeded to put the fleece blanket back on me. And then I sat there expecting God to speak. But I heard nothing. Absolutely nothing. And then I waited some more. And still nothing. To be honest, by this point, I had become quite restless. I'm an impatient person by nature and the silence was deafening. Additionally, I was confused why God had directed me to come back to the nook only to ghost me. This went on for a good 20-30 minutes or so but truth be told, it felt like an eternity sitting there waiting in silence. And then finally, God spoke again.

"You spend a lot of time on that chair talking, but not nearly enough time listening".

I'll admit that my initial response to hearing that was dismissive in nature. What was God talking about? I sit on that couch all the time listening to Him so how could He say I don't listen enough? Doesn't He know how many hundreds if not thousands of hours I have sat in that nook over the years? And to be honest, I might have even been a little offended by the implication that I don't listen. I could feel a level of frustration starting to build inside me and it's because my pride didn't want to accept a path that God was clearly wanting to lead me on. Instead, I was quickly finding myself trying to put together a defense so I could argue against the validity of God's claim. But after a few minutes of resisting God, I thought better of it and instead, asked Him to open up my mind and heart so I could properly receive what He was trying to reveal to me. And then God spoke again.

"You spend a lot of time in that chair asking questions. You don't struggle sitting there for long periods of time providing me with a list of needs you have. But as soon as you're done talking, you are eager to race off into your day or off to bed without the slightest desire to wait in my presence for a response. I want you to come back and listen more."

After God finished speaking, I sat there for a while dissecting what He had said. And of course, He was right. Of all those hours spent sitting on this chair over the years, what percentage of that time was spent talking vs listening? God was right, I really don't wait to hear the answer for the questions I ask. And then I complain that I don't have answers to the questions I'm asking God. And that got me thinking, why do I do that? It seems silly to ask God a question but not even wait for the answer.

Psalm 25:4-5 says:

Show me Your ways, O Lord; Teach me Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach me. For You are the God of my salvation; On You I wait all the day.

I definitely don't wait on God all day....

Perhaps there is a blessing in disguise to be found with being in quarantine due to Covid-19. Perhaps it's an opportunity for me to return back to a time when I used to sit in silence for long periods of time eagerly waiting on God to speak. In those first few years after getting saved, my favorite thing to do was sit before God because I knew I would hear from Him. And life was so much easier because God would direct my steps perfectly. But over the years, I haven't made waiting on God a priority. So maybe now is my chance to reset things. Maybe it's my chance to stop rushing into my busy day and instead, slow down and listen to what God has to say. And in order to do that, I need to be patient and wait on Him. And maybe, just maybe, if I do that, I will hear God the way I used to. For years I've been wondering why I don't hear from God as much as I used to. What a simple concept that all I have to do in order to hear God more is to simply come back and listen more.

† let the light in †