BEAUTY IN THE BROKENNESS

Recently, I was listening to an App on my phone and the woman speaking was talking about Kintsugi. And if you're like me, you've probably never heard of this word. So I did what most of us do these days and I conducted a quick Google search. What I learned is that Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the areas of breakage with lacquer mixed with powdered gold. This gold mix lacquer essentially becomes the glue used to put the pottery back together. So instead of repairing the pottery with some type of clear glue, to disguise that there was ever a break to begin with, the art of Kintsugi treats the breakage and repair as part of the history of the object. The gold glue like substance essentially becomes noticeable and highlights where the broken pieces were put back together. And what you have left...is broken pottery, put back together...looking more beautiful than it originally did.

Over the course of my life, I’ve been to a number of art shows but I don’t think I’ve ever been able to connect with art on an emotional level. It’s just not my thing. But as I was reading about Kintsugi and looking at pictures on the internet, I seemed to be drawn into it. I was fascinated by it but not because I find anything particularly interesting about pottery. But rather, it was the concept behind Kintsugi that attracted me. What stood out was that the breakage and gluing back together is part of the history of the pottery. It's what makes the pottery unique. The brokenness actually becomes the valuable part of the object. And instead of hiding the broken pieces, they are highlighted in gold as if to say the healing process of the pottery is precious. It appeared to me that there was something deeper, perhaps even spiritual that could be gleaned from all of this.

Journey through life long enough and you’re certain to experience seasons of difficulties. Addictions, financial hardship, being cheated on or abused, getting let go from a job, or being forced to deal with an illness or the loss of a loved one. It's easy to see that each and every one of us has faced a season where we've felt broken. And often times, when we are hurt, we do our best to cover up the broken pieces by presenting to the world that we are perfectly fine. It's almost as if we use clear glue to put ourselves back together, hoping and praying that nobody sees the cracks. But what if, instead of trying to hide the brokenness in our lives, we were like Kintsugi and allowed ourselves to be okay with showing the cracks?

As God was revealing all of this to me, I began to think about how I've been guilty of trying to hide my own brokenness in the past. When I first began to deal with anxiety and panic attacks back in 2011, I did everything I could to make sure nobody knew that I was falling apart. I hid it from family, my girlfriend at the time, and even my best friends. Because of my strong faith in God, most people I knew assumed my life was perfect and that it was nicely put together. Nobody knew just how bad things had gotten. And I admit part of the problem was that I was ashamed to tell people I was struggling. I was also too prideful to ask for help. And the more I hid the problem, the worse it got. The weight of the secret was suffocating me. And the anxiety and panic attacks took on a life of their own and eventually, I fell into a terrible season of pain that lasted much longer than it probably should have. Then one day, I felt God nudging me to open up and share my struggles with my two best friends. It wasn't easy, but when I finally did what God asked, there was an unbelievable sense of relief that came with it. The shame associated with the anxiety no longer had power over me. And through that, God began the process of slowly healing me through therapy and through talking openly and honestly about it at church. And I wonder, what if I had allowed people to see the cracks when they first began to form? What if I hadn't been hiding all those years?

It's been several years since those terrifying dark days of anxiety. But interestingly, between the employees I come across at work and people I meet through my day to day life, I find that I'm constantly talking about anxiety and panic attacks. It’s amazing how many times God has given me the opportunity to help someone who is currently struggling with these issues. And it's because I experienced that season of brokenness, I am able to show compassion to those currently dealing with it and able to help them in ways that people who haven't experienced anxiety and panic attacks could. And for me, the best part is that each time this topic comes up, I'm able to give glory to God for helping me through that difficult period of time.

These days, I’m not at all shy talking about how dark the season of anxiety and panic attacks was. I won’t allow the Devil to keep me in bondage of shame over it. I look back on those broken years and I'm so thankful that Jesus was with me and that He helped me get through them. I'm now able to see that there is something wonderful about seeing beauty in the brokenness. And that brings me back to Kintsugi and how the final product of the pottery is more beautiful than what it was to begin with. Just like my life. I have broken pieces in my life and I'm not ashamed by that because anyone who looks at me gets to see the gold glue that put me together...and that glue is Jesus. So to me, my life is more beautiful because it has Jesus infusing gold into my broken pieces. And as I was thinking about all of this, I got the sense the Lord was opening my heart and mind to share that it's okay to not be okay. I believe God was showing me that we don't have to hide our brokenness. We don’t have to put on a facade that there are no broken pieces in our lives. We just need to invite God into the brokenness and let Him do the healing. I love the promise the Bible gives us in Isaiah 61, verse 3:

To those who have sorrow, I will give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes. I will give them the oil of joy instead of sorrow, and a spirit of praise instead of a spirit of no hope.

I want to encourage anyone reading this to know that there is freedom from the fears and shame that brokenness brings. God can heal those broken areas of your life and when He does, they will be like gold for the world to see as a wonderful testimony of His goodness.

† let the light in †